Walking dead spoofs
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: Rated M for possible language
1. Chapter 1

**Okay. So this was an suggestion by MSBBSUE. And, me being known for spoofing EVERYTHING. I decided, may as well add the awesome zombie series to the list..**

**There's to parts to this. Part one is set at th beginning parts of Season 1. Part two is set near the ending of Season 2.**

**I'll ****try to to do as much as I can with Merle joining his brief appearance of season one, since the reason I read MsBBSue's story, was because I was looking for stories about Merle, and 'only' Merle. And MSBBSUE's story is the best one so far., if you haven't read it. It's called Butterfly.**

**Anyway. **

**Its time for my fourth wall comedy's to continue.**

**Lets see what I can do so far..**

* * *

><p>A car is violently flipped over.<p>

"Yo! What the fuck!?" The passengers cried angrily.

"OPEN FIRE!" Officer Shane cried, and all the officers started killing the suspects, though they were no threat at all.

However, Shane ended up accidentally shooting police chief Rick Grimes, nearly killing him.

"Oh nooo... He's been shot because by the criminals" Shane called out nervously.

Shane and the officers ran over to the fading away Rick.

"By the way. If you die or fall into a coma.. I'm gonna sleep with your wife" Shane's voice said as it was fading away.

* * *

><p>AT THE HOSPITAL<p>

* * *

><p>The doctor violently punches Rick while he was still unconscience.<p>

"What the hell are you do doing!?" Shane cried.

"My job..Sometimes people FAKE being in a coma. This man's not.. Unless.. The first punch knocked him out.. Either way, we won't know for sometime" the doctor replied.

* * *

><p><strong>Stay tuned for more..<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I never been very good at giving proper descriptions, or filling moods. So I apologise in advance..**

* * *

><p>Rick finally awoke from his coma, only to realize he must of been there for a long time now, the place was empty, and all the doors were blocked up.<p>

Rick saw something trying to get into the window, it was clearly a female zombie, though Rick didn't know of that yet.

It looked awful, and smelled even worse. And kept groaning.

"My god... She's so drunk" Rick laughed.

"Hey love. How much you have last night?" Rick mocked the groaning zombie.

Rick decided to keep exploring the hospital.

Rick ended up opening the cafeteria only it was surrounded by the undead, but Rick nievely moved around them, not even acknowledging them, and went over to the pop machine, getting out a Pepsi.

Still the zombies grabbed for him, and still he remained unaware of them and continued walking around, grabbing a sandwich before walking out of the room. Remaining unbitten.

* * *

><p>When Rick finally made it outside, he saw a horrific sight of thousands of body bags, witch visibly disturbed him.<p>

* * *

><p>Rick made his way to his home, still not acknowledging any the zombies surrounding the streets, one nearly grabbed him but Rick mistook the zombie for a homeless man and apologised for not having any spare change on him.<p>

When Rick finally got home, he realised Lori and Carl were gone, and broke down.

But still he decided to keep going.

_RICK: Fuck that. I'm just gonna sit here and watch tevesion. _

Rick. Dude, if you don't go, there will be no story.

_RICK: (angrily turns the tv louder)_

Rick 'tired' ignoring it all with tv, but his conscienc-

_RICK: OKAY! FINE! I'LL GO! (storms out angrily)_

* * *

><p>Rick contained wondering aimlessly, when suddenly he was hit by a shovel, and everything went black.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

When Rick gained conscience, he found himself on a bed.

Morgan Jones apologised to Rick about his son Duane Jones wracking Rick's face with a shovel after mistaking Rick for a walker.

"What the hell is a walker!?" Rick cried.

"Are you serious? We're you been all this time?" Morgan joked.

"Coma" Rick replied.

"Oh" Morgan said, realising how serious Rick was, when he asked what a Walker is.

"All I remember is that I was in a police uniform. You know what that means.." Rick said.

"Your a cop?" Morgan guessed.

"Actually. I was gonna say, stripper. But sure, that two" Rick replied.

Morgan began telling all about the apolocpise.

* * *

><p>SKIPS AHEAD ABIT<p>

* * *

><p>Two zombies began surrounding the house.<p>

"We need to get into that shed" Rick said.

"But its locked" Morgan insisted.

"Not for long!" Rick cried and charged at the shed, breaking down the door.

Rick frantically looked around the shed for a proper weapon, his eyes focused on the sight of a chainsaw and hunting knife. And even though he was fully capable of taking both, Rick 'only' took the hunting knife, leaving everything else.

* * *

><p>Rick was geared with his knife, and Morgan was geared with a cricket bat.<p>

The first zombie two kills played out the same way it did in Shan of the Dead, though as they as started wracking the two walkers harder and harder, they both started crying for completely random reasons.

* * *

><p>They both sat back down on the couch, covered in blood.<p>

"I have a sudden craving for ice cream" Rick insisted.

"Well. I don't have any" Morgan admitted.

"You suck!" Rick cried angrily.

* * *

><p><strong>Stay tuned for more..<strong>

**And don't worry. I'm planning to have lots of violence. **

**For those who watch walking dead mostly for the fights, like I do.**

**I'm hoping not to let you down..**


	4. Chapter 4

Rick, Morgan and Duane fought there way towards the police station.

They were seen aggressively killing zombies almost the whole way there.

At one point, they ran into an uninfected Justin Bieber, but Rick stabbed him in the head with the hunting knife.

"Umm.. I don't think that was a zombie" Morgan said.

"Who cares! It's Justin Bieber!" Rick cried, proudly.

* * *

><p>"There it is, There's the station" Rick said, killing one of the zombies and pointing to the near distance, towards the police station.<p>

Morgan replied with "Perfect. Nothing else to do, but finish this sentence uninterru- (_suddenly a walker leap onto him_).

"Rick! Rick use your knife!" Morgan cried, holding back the walkers mouth.

"Are you sure?" Rick asked.

"Yes!. Now take out your thing, and give it too him!" Morgan cried still fighting off the walker.

"You really have to say these things in your head before saying them out loud" Rick mocked.

"JUST FUCKIN DO IT!" Morgan cried, getting angrier.

With that, Rick grabbed the zombie and stabbed his hunting knife though it's dead brain, killing it.

Rick pulled Morgan back up, but the three started getting surrounded again, and they started retreating towards the police station, witch, for some bizarre reason, wasn't even locked.

* * *

><p>Morgan and Duane ran into some walkers in one of the rooms, but they quickly killed them. After witch Morgan saw Rick's old police uniform and hat.<p>

"You should put that on daddy. Your look good in it" Duane insisted.

"No way. I have nothing but respect for cops, and no way am I dressing up as one.. In fact. I'm giving this uniform to the very first person that I see" Morgan insisted.

"Funny. Because that's excatly how I became a cop in the first place" Rick admitted, while taking the outfit and quickly putting it on.

"Anyway, follow me to the locker room. We have dozens of fully loaded guns" Rick said, and he wasn't joking, there really was such a room, and by going to it, Rick grabbed his iconic revolver, along with an 1873 Winchester.

Morgan took an Uzi.

Morgan opened the door, but outside was surrounded by thousands of walkers, making Morgan calmly close the door again.

"... Problem" Morgan said abit nervously.

Rick looked out the window.

"Fuck how many, we can take them!" Rick cried, imitating Trevor Phillips.

"Fine.. I guess your right" Morgan said.

"Ohh! Always wanted to do this!" Rick cried and played _**BACK IN BLACK **_at full blast, before bursting down the door screaming "YIPEE KI A, MOTHER FUCKERS!" Before starting a huge fight scene, as Rick and Morgan began shooting down all the walkers as the ACDC song filled the back ground.

"Boomer!" Rick cried pointing at an unnaturally fat zombie, witch Morgan shot at causing it too literary blow up.

"Groooss" Rick said in response.

The thick battle lasted for almost an hour.

Rick ran out of bullets for his rifle but too save bullets to his revolver, he used his Winchester as some sort of club, and killed the walkers that way, he also smashed one of the walkers against the wall, smashing it's face in.

Morgan still had plenty of bullets and killed all the walkers coming at him. "Do, you, like, that!" Morgan cried while firing countless bullets.

Eventually the horde ended.

There was one one left and Rick threw the empty rifle at its head, smashing it's undead head smashed open.

"YEAAAAAAAHH!" Rick screamed. He approached Morgan. "FOR GLOOOOOOOORYY!" he screamed in Morgan's face, having Morgan have to wipe Rick's spit off his face.

* * *

><p>Rick and Morgan found two cars, and ended up going their seperate ways.<p>

"Good luck Morgan. Hope you never try to kill me in the future" Rick said while shaking Morgan's hand before going towards his police car and continuing his journey.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'll skip to when our idiot version of Rick, arrives at Atlanta..**

* * *

><p>Rick rode into town, as expected, he was ignoring all the warning signs about the city being overrun.<p>

At one point he believed he heard a helicopter but while chasing it, he saw, too his horror, thousands of walkers who ended eating his horse causing Rick to freak out an literary start acting like a gorilla, as if doing so was possibly gonna fix the situation.

* * *

><p>Though biconcles, Glenn saw Rick, as he was jumping up and down, making animal noises.<p>

"Clearly he's Canadian" Glenn said, under the belief that 'all' Canadian's responde to life and death situations, by doing what Rick is doing.

* * *

><p>Rick eventually found his way inside a tank. And spent the full time cuddled into a ball sucking on this thumb, until Glenn radioed him "Hey. You in the tank? Dumbass? Having fun in there?".<p>

* * *

><p><em>INSIDE RICK'S HEAD:<em>

_A man and Woman are seen laying in bed._

_Man: Man. For a school teacher you make love good._

_Woman: It's well Jeff. Its 'you make love well'_

* * *

><p>"Hello!? Hello dumbass! I know your in there! I can hear you breathing!" Glenn's voice cried, interrupting Rick's completely pointless vision and snapping him back to reality.<p>

"Help me! I'm surrounded by drunken cannibals!" Rick cried.

"You mean.. The living dead?" Glenn said abit annoyedly.

"Same thing!" Rick cried.

"Whatever.. Look man. That tank won't protect you forever!" Glenn cried.

"Oh, yeah, I totally wasn't aware of that!" Rick cried sarcastically.

"Are you being sarcasti-

"OF COARSE I'M BEING SARCASTIC!" Rick screamed angrily.

"Look man.. All I can say is. Run for it. Grab what weapons are in there, and get the fuck outta there!" Glenn told him.

Rick understood, and grabbed a loaded pistol, along with a melee weapon.

The dead soldier had machete with him, but again making the less obvious choice, Rick grabbed a mini shovel, witch was twice as heavy as the machete and way less effective.

* * *

><p>"FOR GLOOOOOOOORY!" Rick cried out dramatically as he jumped out of the tank and smashed the shovel against the face of one of the walker's face, breaking the shovel in progress.<p>

Armed with both his rovolver and a regular pistol, Rick shot his way though the zombie hord, proving to be a very skilled marksmen, even though he was kinda ruining it by shouting out various action movie quotes after each kill.

Most of the zombies were shot in the head, several in the neck, and one was shot in both of his eye holes.

Rick body slammed one of the zombies against the nearest wall, breaking its head in millions of pieces sinse zombies are so rotten or whatever.

He almost shot Glenn also, but he didn't. And Glenn lead him to the others.


	6. Chapter 6

**Again I'll skip ahead a bit. **

**I'm excited about using Merle..**

* * *

><p>Merle, high on cocaine, was wasting all the ammo, shooting a hunting rifle at walkers.<p>

Everyone ran in, mad at him for wasting ammo.

"Hey! Outta be more polite to man with a gun. Only common curtsy!" Merle cried arrogantly.

"Your wasting all the ammo! Just chill!" T Dog.

"I'm chill as cucumber, T, to the, Dog.. I found some 'awesome' stuff in the trash.. You can pull out ever single one of my teeth, I won't even notice" Merle replied.

"Besides.. Last time I checked. I wasn't taking orders from no nigger!" Merle said to T Dog's face.

T Dog got angry and swung punches at Merle, who laughed as he said "I'm high as a kit! Can't feel nothing!"

Within a few moments, Merle attacked T Dog, at one point jumping high in the air, raising a fist, screaming "FACEBUMB!" and hitting the fist on the top of T Dog's head, knocking T Dog over, and T Dog's face was smashed against a pipe while he bent over in pain.

Merle danced about his victory, not even using real words anymore.

T Dog was in too much pain to get up.

"Yeah! LEASON UP CATS! I'm in charge now mother fuckers! Let's all have some fun!.. Let's all lesson to Metallica while doing sit ups!" Merle cried.

"How will that salve anything!?" Morales asked.

"BUTTERFLY!" Merle cried randomly.

"Enough about that story.. It sucks" Andrea said annoyedly.

"Least it's better than lessening to your FAT FACE!" Merle cried angrily.

"You know, just because your on drugs, dosen't mean the girl can't feel your insults" Glenn said, quoting family guy.

"Yeah wel-

Before Merle finished, Rick smashed his face in, with the rifle, as Merle literary started sobbing about it.

Rick handcuffed Merle to pole.

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKIN DOING ASSHOLE!" Merle cried.

"Saving you, from yourself... Look here Merle.. When you've been a stripper as long as I have. You know when you met a bad egg.. And your a bad egg" Rick said, again quoting Family guy.

"You can't leave me here assholes! DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!" Merle cried angrily.

"Too late Merle. We already walked away too much" Rick replied mockingly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Afried that's all I got for episode one.. But too keep you guys into it. I'll post episode 2 into the same article.. But till then, here's a "_Best of 'my' Merle_" because he won't appear in the next epiode, and I won't be making any other ones..**

* * *

><p>T Dog: (Accidently drops the keys)<p>

Merle: MOTHER FUCKER! YOU DID THAT ON PORPOSE!

T Dog: I'm Sorry! (starts running off)

Merle: Get back here! I'm gonna kill you man!.. I'm not going to lie down for some frat boy bastard with his damn henley, smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpson episodes every night! Yes, we all love Mr. Plow. Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE!

T Dog: (_leaves, but locks the door to the roof_)

Merle: (_still talking_) That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning... the guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder. If he wants to throw hands, I'll throw hands! I tell you...

* * *

><p>Rick: The governer wants Michonne. I see no other choice.<p>

Merle: I respect your duty as a cop.. I use to be one myself... Well.. Sort of... But I had a gun.

* * *

><p>Daryl: (leaves the group to join his brother) Just promise to always be there for me.<p>

Merle: Come on brother. Have I ever NOT been there for.

BEFORE THE OUTBREAK:

Daryl: (seen driving)

Merle: (in front passenger seat)

Theif: (appears out of nowhere, pointing gun at Daryl) HANDS UP FUCKER!.. Scream and your dead!

Merle: (to Daryl) Thanks for the drive stranger.. (cowardly gets out and runs for it).

* * *

><p>Merle: (grabs huge wrench while torturing Glenn) Its not even the biggest TOOL in the room.. (violently swings it) Batter up! (it breaks one of Glenn's legs as Glenn screams in pain) Quite whining! Mama's not here! I'M your mama now!<p>

Glenn: Dude! That's wrong in SO many levels!

* * *

><p>Merle: I'll! Show you! My (punches Daryl) LOYALTY!.. Is too this town! (starts beating Daryl) FACEBUMB! (jumps up with a fist, and hits Daryl on the top of the head)<p>

* * *

><p>Merle: (after assulting T Dog) Yeah!.. LESSON UP CATS! I'm in charge now mother fuckers! Let's have some fun... Let's lesson to Metallica while doing sit ups!<p>

* * *

><p>Governer: (speaking to people of Woodberry) Alright. Lesson up.<p>

Merle: (screaming) LESSON UP CATS!

Governer: The terriests are tough.. But we gotta fight harder than them.

Merle: Harder than them guys!

Governer: You know what's hard. Being stabbed in the eye with a piece of glass.

Merle: The man wears an eye patch!

Governer: But still not as hard as seeing my daughter turn into a zombie.

Merle: Yea- Wait what!?

Governer: Dosen't matter.. Let's just beat our enemy HARD!

Merle: Yeah! Hard!

Governer: Crashing the gates! Blowing shit up! HARD!

Merle: HARD!

Governer: We gotta be triceps, biceps, arceps, hard!

Villagers: YEAH! HARD!

Governer: Greek. Underground, gay porn hard!

Villagers: GAY PORN HARRRRRD!


	8. Chapter 8

**SPOOF 2**

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry. But we don't know you" Rick insisted.<p>

"Your right. You don't know us.. You don't know what we had to go though" Dave insisted.

"I'm sorry.. But the farm is too crowded as it is" Hershel replied.

"Fuck that! I'll kill all three of yeah myself, and take your damn farm!" Tony cried angrily.

"Hey. Hey.. Nobody's killing nobody" Dave said, calming down his fat friend.

But Tony was still angry, and due to this anger he threw down his shotgun as hard as he could, but this caused it to accidentally go off, and Tony ended up shooting himself in the face and instantly died.

Dave, for whatever reason, blamed Rick for Tony's death and he and Rick both reached for their handguns (_like in a cowboy_ _showdown_) Rick was faster then Dave was, and shot Dave though the head, causing blood to spray over the wall, and Dave to fall down instantly dead. Despite seeing this happen, Rick yelled for Dave to get back on his feet and apologise for his actions, proving that 'my' version of Rick, has not grown any wiser then we originally him being.


	9. Chapter 9

**For those who loved my verison of Merle, then my ****hope is that your also gonna love my verison of Shane.. You might even find spoof Shane BETTER then spoof Merle.. Mostly because Shane will have a much large role then Merle did.. Either way. Here's our introduction towards him..**

* * *

><p>EARLIER:<p>

_Shane gets angry when he sees Rick with a walker, and begins shooting at it's body, as to prove that it isn't alive anymore._

_"That's enough!" Rick cried angrily._

_"Your right man. That IS enough" Shane cried before coldly shooting it in the head._

_"Enough is ENOUGH!.. Enough of this!.. Enough sitting around masterbating!"_

_"Just that ONE time" Glenn admitted in the background._

_"And pretending everything is as fine as cream gravy!.. Look at me now. I'm yelling and pacing man!.. YELLING! AND PACING!" Shane cried, yelling and pacing both at the same time._

_"ENOUGH! Risking our lives, over a little girl who's GONE! Enough! Living next to barn with things that want to kill us!.. I mean. It might just be the alcohol talking bu- _

_"This place has alcohol!?" Daryl cried excited._

_"Enough! Interrupting me all the time!" Shane cried to Daryl, who rolled his eyes in annoyance._

_"Now! If you wanna live!? You wanna SURVIVE!? You gotta FIGHT FOR IT! You gotta want it! Don't cha want it!? DON'T CHA WANT IT!.. I know I sure do! I want it real BAD!.. Because __I'm high on pain killers and I'm opening those barn doors so we can finish this cornshit! Wait here! Wait now!" Shane cried aggressively, before bursting open the barn doors while doing the famish scream from "Led Zepplin/immigrant song" and allowing the undead to approach out of the barn._

_Shane began skillfully shooting down the walkers while angrily yelling the lyrics to "led zeppelin/immigrant song"._

_Groaning, Rick joined in, and shot his rovolver._

* * *

><p>Rick's snaps to reality happened at the exact same time he shot Dave dead with his revolver, acting as it was the same bullet.<p>

"That'll teach yeah about messing with me!.. Now get your ass up, and APOLOGISE!" Rick screamed at Dave's body.

"Shit dude" Glenn said in shock, over Rick's actions.

However they had to hide, as the three hold more voices coming.


	10. Chapter 10

Rick, Glenn and Hershel heard voices from outside the bar, obviously looking for Dave and Tony.

Glenn insisted that they had to be super quite, but unfortunately Rick saw a fly, and began wasting bullets shooting at the fly.

At one point the fly landed on his face. "Oh, ho, now I got yeah" Rick said, pointing the gun directly at the fly, as it was still laying on his nose.

Glenn slapped Rick's gun away, before Rick's stupidy would cost him his own life.

But things only gone from bad to worse as the group side mistook it as them attacking, and began shooting back at them, and although Rick's group were in good cover, they still ran off to avoid the glass window's harming them.

"HOLLY SHIT THEIR SHOOTING AT US!" Rick cried, even though it was insanely obvious.

* * *

><p>While running to the back door, Rick got tackled down by one of the enemies, Nate.<p>

Rick desperately tried to hold back the hunting knife Nate was angrily trying to stab into Rick's heart.

Suddenly Rick heard an fridge door open.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING!?" Rick cried angrily as he saw Glenn opening the fridge and grabbing a sandwich.

"What? I haven't eaten all day, I'm starving" Glenn admitted, and walked away, leaving Rick to fight Nate alone.

Rick managed to kick Nate off him and jumped onto his feet and grabbed the hunting knife since Nate dropped it.

Rick body slammed Nate against a wall, and quickly jabbbed the knife deep into Nate's hyoid area, killing him almost instantly.

* * *

><p>Glenn calmly reached the back door but anouther enamy started shooting at him, nearly hitting him.<p>

Herchel shot the enamy in the gut, though not killing him and cried in pain, but unfortantly, this alerted nearby zombies, and the guy was eaten alive.

"Are you okay!?" Hershel called out to the guy being eaten by the undead.

* * *

><p>The three nearly made it out, but anouther member Randel. sniped from the roof.<p>

The others had to leave but Randell, while running off, impaired his leg against a fence, giving high pitch little girl screams.

Rick and them ran over to him and argued about rather to help him, and how.

Glenn, along the way, had a walker in his path.

The zombie roared loudly, Glenn also roared loudly, followed by shooting the shotgun at him it, and it was blown several feet away, blood would of sprayed out of it in its flight, but being dead, it has no blood in its body.

While Rick and Hershel argued, the zombies started surrounding them.

"Fuck it!" Rick cried angrily. And aggressively ripped Randel's leg off the fence, as he screamed loudly.


	11. Chapter 11

Randell was brought towards the farmhouse.

Almost instantly Shane took a disliking towards him. And for no reason at all, Shane began throwing empty beer cans at Randell.

"You can't treat me like this! I'm a human being with thoughts and emotions!" Randell cried angrily.

Everyone responded to this by clapping as if Randell was a cat first learning to use the piano.

Randell rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Rick insisted that Randell's leg will need surgery. Randell admitted his leg is actually fine now, but Rick shot his revolver directly into Randell's kneecap, same leg was impaired on the fence.

"See.. It's getting worse for him" Rick implied.

Herschel agreed to treat his leg.

Randell thanked them, but Shane punched him in the stomach for literary no reason at all, and Shane walked away after doing so.

* * *

><p><strong>Well.. That's all I got. So it probably sucked. Had a long day<strong>**  
><strong>


	12. Chapter 12

Rick and Shane took an hogtied Randell with them to on thir trip that ended up taking them to an abandoned Public Works Station, 18 miles away from the the farm house.

At one point Randell admitted that he went to school with Maggie.

Shane snapped and punched him square in the nose.

"Oh, was that your nose? Cause I'm pretty sure that was your nose?" Shane mocked.

"Your crazy!" Randell cried.

"that's not crazy! (_takes out his classic pistol and points it at_ Randell) THIS IS CRAZY!" Shane screamed, as his eyes twitched from his growing insanity.

Rick, seeing the kids fear, insured Randell that Shane wasn't gonna _really_ shoot him, but Shane claimed that he _would_.

"I'll even turn it sideways like a black man!" Shane said, turning the gun sideways.

"Have you lost your mind!?" Randell cried.

"YES! YES I HAVE!" Shane screamed out, his eye twitching.

Rick grabbed Shane off Randell, and it soon lead into an argument.

"I'm yelling and PACING AGAIN!" Shane screamed inbetween the arguement, while anxiously pacing back and forth.

They continued arguing.

"I don't think you can keep them safe" Shane concluded.

This was the breaking point for Rick and he tried throwing a punch at Shane, but Shane cart his arm and fully snapped it.

Randell tried using the opportunity to crawl towards a knife.

"FURRRY!" Shane screamed, as he literary threw Rick threw the fence, and Rick landed near a bike, and Shane aggressively threw the bike overtop him, so Rick would be stuck there.

Shane, thinking Rick would no longer be a threat, attempted to shoot the fleeing Randell.

But Rick somehow escaped the bike, "FISTBUMB!" Rick cried as he imitated Merle's retuin of jumping up and hitting Shane against the top of the head, before throwing Shane towards the ground.

Shane's face was smashed against a tree along the fall. And as he tried getting up, Rick kicked him in the nose, possibly breaking it.

"It's just been revolt!" Rick cried, even though nothing about the fight has set him up for the movie line.

Once Shane finally got up, he picked up a huge wrench.

"AMERICA!" Shane cried, throwing the wrench at Rick, who fortunately dodged it, and it smashed threw a window.

"Dammit man!.. THAT WAS AWESOME REFEXS!" Shane said, strangely happily.

"Thanks man. Your such a good friend" Rick said, despite the fact they just finished trying to kill each other.

Suddenly, zombies started approaching threw the broken window.

Rick bodyslammed one of them against a wall, killing it as easily as that.

Shane started shooting them with his black, classic pistol.

"K to the I to the A, zom-bitch!" Shane cried, as he containued shooting them throw the head, killing them.

Rick also shooting them with his trademark revolver, though his aim was abit off, since he was only able to use one arm.

As the battle started thickening, Rick reached the car, but Shanevwas trapped inside the bus.

At first it seemed like Rick was ditching Shane. But then he came back, and ran over all the zombies, and allowing Shane into the back seat.

And with that, they drove away.


	13. Chapter 13

At the meantime, Dale was trying to convince Andrea that Shane killed Ottis.

"You have any proof of this?" Andrea insisted.

"Well.. What about what he told me earlier" Dale insisted.

* * *

><p><em>EARLIER: <em>

_Meggie: (being extra nice to Shane) _

_Shane: (to Dale) You know Maggie has really flourished since Ottis was murdered._

_Dale: What are you talking about. Ottis's death was an accident._

_Shane: (grins evilly) witch is exactly what someone who pulled off the perfect murder, would want you to think._

_Dale: What are y-. (getting nervous) Shane.. Did you.. Did you kill Ottis._

_Shane: Of coarse not Dale. (his head slowly starts turning to his side as he talks) Remember what you said. I'm all talk. I couldn't possibly go through with it._

_Dale: (shocked) My god. You did it! You ACTUALLY did it._

_Shane: (his head is now turned past 90 degrees) My god, I really screwed myself up here. Hey, do mind going into the phone book and getting the number to that acupuncturist._

_Dale: (angry) You son of a bitch! You killed Ottis!_

_Shane: (evilly) Good luck proving that Dale.. (more serious) but seriously, that number?_

* * *

><p>Despite the clear evidence, Andrea still didn't believe Dale, and simply walked away.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Carl was pranking everyone today, but one prank went a little too far, because as Dale opened his RV, Carl somehow managed to put a live Couger inside it, and Dale was leaped on.

* * *

><p>In the aftermath, everyone was attending Dale's funeral.<p>

"He looks so peaceful" Rick said, despite the fact that Dale's intestines and most of his brain were ripped out if his body, and flies we're covering him, all while his corpse still has the horrified expression on Dale's face.

"This is what the world's come too.. Death. So much death.. Not that.. _I_ had anything to do with it though" Carl said nerbously.

"Yes.. But he's in heaven now" Rick insisted.

* * *

><p><em>CUTAWAY: <em>

_Dale: (Locked outside the gates of heaven) I'm sorry. I just didn't realize you guys had a new ID badge policy._

_Angle: Too little. Too late._

* * *

><p>After the funeral, Shane, after misunderstanding Lori's words, puts up a plan to murder Rick.<p>

But first he murdered Randell, and made it appear as though Randell attacked him.

But Rick, despite his low intelligence, instantly saw though Shane's plan, causing Shane to get mad and pull out a gun and say "JUST START FUCKIN WALKING!".

Andrea happemed to walk by.

"Hey Rick were you been all this time?" She asked nicely.

Rick frighteningly started explaining the situration.

"Rick. Rick. I was after 'good' or 'bad'. Because the truth is.. Nobody actually cares" Andrea said annoyedly.

"B But Shane is gonna kill m-

"Nobody! Cares! Rick!" Andrea cried as she started leaving.

"But. But h-

"NOBODY CARES!" Andrea cried from off view.

Rick was shocked by her lack of help.

"Yeah, we'll, that's what you get for relying on a girl" Shane laughed before he started leading Rick into the woods.


	15. Chapter 15

"Well.. Sorry it had to come to this Ricky boy. 'tragic hunting accident" Shane said sadistically, while standing behind Rick, with his pistol.

"Your crazy!" Rick cried.

"I'm crazy because I REFUSE TO DIE!? Is that crazy!? (jumping around hyperly) DO I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!?" Shane cried crazily.

"Very well. But if your serious about killing me. There's one more thing I have to confess to.. I did NOT care for THE GODFATHER" Rick confesssed.

"What?!" Shane cried in serprised.

"I did not care for THE GODFATHER" Rick repeated.

"How can you even say that!?" Shane cried.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't like it okay" Rick replied.

"But dude. It's so good. It's like the perfect movie" Shane insisted.

"That's what everyone kept saying, Whenever they sai-

"Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never see, Robert Duvall!" Shane said, getting a bit angry.

"Yes. Fine. Fine actor. But still did not like the movie" Rick admitted.

"Then why didn't you say something when I got you it for birthday! 4 and half years ago!" Cried an angry Shane.

"Because I never seen it at the time" Rick admitted.

"Still.. Explain yourself! What don't you like about it?" Shane cried, still angry.

"It's vile. It insists aparn itself" Rick replied.

"What the hell dose that even mean!?" Shane cried.

"It takes forever to even get into.. I always just turn it off half way though" Rick replied.

"That's not fair. You never even given it a chance!" Shane cried.

"I tired on three separate occasions to finish it.. I got as far as to when all the guys are sitting on the easy chairs" Rick said.

"Yes, I love that scene" Shane replied.

"I have no idea what their saying. It's like it's some other language" Rick whined.

"Fuck you man! This is exactly why I want to kill you! Your just so stupid!.. Now raise your fuckin gun!" Shane demanded.

Rick pulled it out while saying "But come on man. It's not even louded anymor- _(Trigger accidentally goes off, revealing it WAS louded, and the bullet hits Shane in the stomach, making him fall down in pain)"._

"Shit! Dose it hurt!?" Rick cried.

"OF COARSE IT FUCKIN HURTS!" Shane screamed in rage.

"Hang on man. I'll get that out of ya!" Rick cried, before he began violantly kicking where Shane has been shot believing it's bringing the bullet out, but sadly it is actually doing the complete opposite.

Eventually Rick took out his knife, cutting though Shane's body, till he found the bullet, but unknown to Rick, this caused Shane to automatically die.

Rick finally got the bullet out, but do to his "thinking process" he believed Shane was alseep.

"DAD!?" Carl cried, having followed them.

"Shh.. Shane's asleep" Rick cried, but however, the zombiefied Shane awake behind him.

"Damn it Carl. Now you woke him up!" Rick cried annoyedly.

Zombie Shane grabbed at Rick but Carl shot it in the head, though Rick, at first, was mad at Carl for killing Shane, but Carl explained Shane was a zombie.

"I I don't understand what that means" Rick admitted.

"... (sigh). I KNOW you don't" Carl groaned annoyedly.


	16. Chapter 16

**Well.. That's all I got for the story. So.. Here's a ****BEST OF RICK:**

* * *

><p>RICK: <em>(<em>first time seeing zombie_) _My god.. SHE'S SO DRUNK!

* * *

><p>RICK: (to Merle while chaining him to pipe) I'm saving you. From yourself.. Look here Merle. When you been a "stripper" as long as I have you know when you met a bad egg.. And your a bad egg.<p>

* * *

><p>RICK: <em>(<em>sees the horse he was ridding get eaten and begins freaking out by acting like a gorilla).

* * *

><p>RICK: The kid needs surgery on his leg.<p>

RANDELL: But I'm fin-

RICK: (shoots Randell in the kneecap) See.. It's getting worse.

* * *

><p>RICK: By Morgan, hope you never try to kill me in the future.<p>

FUTURE:

RICK: YOU TRIED TO KILL ME MORGAN!

* * *

><p>HERCHELL: Your gonna have to start giving people a chance.<p>

RICK: (see's Lori's reflection).. Get out!.. Serious! Get out! I CAN'T HELP YOU! GET OUT! (pacing anxiously while shouting this).

GLENN: Wow. Easy man. your going craz-

RICK: (gone completly nuts) CRAZY!? We're you gonna say crazy!? (angrily begins throwing stuff) DO I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!?

GLENN: Just calm dow-

RICK: OR ARE YOU THE CRAZY ONE!

GLENN: (nervously to Tyeese's group) H He's a little on edge

RICK: (angrily screams out the same gibberous used in THE CAMPAIGN, while pacing anxiously and waving his gun around).

TYEESE: Okay! We're going! WE'RE GOING!

RICK: (still screaming out angry gibberous while Tyeese's group frightenedly run out).

* * *

><p>RICK: (There he was. The Governer was wait outside of the prison, and at one point he cried).<p>

GOVERNER: (standing on tank with his new group of servivals) SURRENDER THE PRISON!

RICK: (And I responded with) I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT! (and he took acception last to that).

GOVERNER: (angrily) AHHHHH! (shoots at Rick and the war began).

* * *

><p>CARL: (shoots zombie despite Rick saying he didn't want to)<p>

RICK: DAMN IT CARL!

CARL: You couldn't get it with the hatc-

RICK: (angrily) Would you SHUT UP! God your even more annoying then Andrew Lincoln!

* * *

><p>RICK: (Sees Lou in bathroom) Hey ma- (sees fly land on his stomach) I GOT IT (unintentionally stabs Lou in the stomach, trying to kill the fly).. (the fly lands on the wall and Rick smashes Lou's face against the wall missing the fly, and Lou lands on the ground).. (the fly lands on Lou's face, and Rick swings his knife and everything goes black).<p>

* * *

><p>BEFORE OUTBREAK<p>

RICK: (sitting on couch reading)

PRESENT DAY

RICK: (sitting on couch reading)

* * *

><p>RICK: (shouting his catch phrase) FOR GLORRRRRRY! (chops Gareth into pieces with mechette).<p>

* * *

><p><strong>THE END..<strong>


End file.
